Synergy that is Out of this World

When our foreign correspondent in Wuhan reported back that the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation had teamed up with The Clinton Foundation to mine the data from organic chemical compounds identified in meteorites embedded in a stretch of the Mulan Yunwu Mountain just outside of Wuhan, our first question was who would own the patents.

Time and time again, we have watched as scientists working under the careful direction of savvy business persons have created wealth out of little understood foreign materials by having the courage to forge ahead in countries with the least restrictive regulatory “lameworks.” An entire generation was fooled by the lamestream media’s portrayal of John Hammond’s visionary attempt to resurrect ancient animals for fun and profit. We here at Profesh Biz & Co. recognized that trashy film for the shameless propaganda that it was.

Our Wuhan correspondent has it on good authority that Anthony S. Fauci, Md. is directly involved in the project. We look forward to the aggressive monetization of his work. If it has value, you will read about it here. As always, remember that if it is not making dollars, then it is not making cents.

No Windows Theory

Rudy Giuliani popularized the broken windows theory of policing, which has been heavily criticized during the past decade. The lesser known but related no windows theory of corporate governance, however, has faced no such criticism. Our team of unpaid interns was unable to find a single peer-reviewed article that was critical of the no windows theory.

Although it seems obvious in retrospect, Sidney Gottlieb’s groundbreaking article, The More You See The Less You Know, was poorly received when he published it in 1951. The chilly reception, which historians now attribute to anti-semitism, drove Gottlieb away from the private sector and into the arms of the Central Intelligence Agency. The CIA provided Gottlieb with the resources to develop and test several variations of his no windows theory in a series of experiments now known as Project MKUltra.

Project MKUltra gained a small amount of attention from the trust-fund liberal set, who pilloried the failures of Gottlieb’s most creative experiments without acknowledging his many successes. Any entrepreneur knows that high risk means high reward no matter what limitations might be imposed by facts, laws, or basic human decency. The CIA attempted to limit the negative publicity attracted by Project MKUltra and kept even its many successes confidential. The striking success of Gottlieb’s no windows experiments were not published until April 2019.

Here at ProfessionalBusiness.Company, we know you have too many jobs to create to spend time slogging through a detailed explanation, so we asked our interns to summarize Gottlieb’s findings. In short, Gottlieb’s experiments proved that workers with no windows in their offices were significantly less likely to look outside than those with a window in their lines of sight. When clocks and windows were removed from an office, workers were significantly less likely to know how many days they had spent at their desks.

We doubt that the CIA will release un-redacted copies of Gottlieb’s reports, but if it does, you will read about it here. Remember, if it is not making dollars, then it is not making sense.

Sunday Spotlight – T. Money

While most of our country’s politicians profess beliefs including the misguided and dangerous idea that Sunday is a day of rest, we view Sunday as one more chance to one up the French. Consequently, we tasked our team of unpaid, ivy league interns with identifying and profiling an inspirational leader in the field of business … Continue reading “Sunday Spotlight – T. Money”

While most of our country’s politicians publicly support the misguided and dangerous idea that Sunday is a day of rest, we view Sunday as one more chance to one-up the French. Consequently, we tasked our team of unpaid, interns from the Little Ivies with identifying and profiling an inspirational leader in the field of business who is not baby-boomer-deadweight hanging on to their redundant positions until forced out.  After reviewing reports from Cambridge Analytica and Bain, we have identified Thomas L. as our new favorite Tireless Worker Unit (“TWU”).  He is living proof that intellect can be converted into units of value and exchanged for a wide variety of units, including units of love, friendship, and bearer bonds.  We know you are at your desk today so hopefully one of your unpaid interns flags this profile for your CV. Keeping churning out those units, and never forget about synergy!

Keanu – Restaurant Review

While we generally hate using the restroom, eating food, or anything that requires us to leave our desk, the staff at ProfeshBiz.Co do love to see a restaurant moving units.  We would not consider eating out, our Cambridge, MA office can see the restaurant from one of its two windows (see our article on windows usually cutting into productivity), and the line extends, apparently, all the way to Union Square.  After a few phone calls, we discovered that Keanu is indeed moving several food units while keeping human units moving through the door.  It provides mostly units of Chinese food, but there are also alcohol units available.  Here’s to you, Keanu!!

Ricardo M> – A Tireless Worker Unit

It’s not often we here at ProfessionalBusiness.Company get to honor a worker unit who laughs at the prospect of working through the wee hours of the morning.  Ricardo Maduro is one such tireless worker unit.  Whether it’s moving units, exchanging units, or researching units, Mr. Maduro is a worker unit who will not complain.  In fact, he laughs in the face of other worker units’ complaints.

Thank you for setting a positive example Ricardo!  Back to work!

Phriday Phenom – Shoshana S.

Every Friday here at ProfessionalBusiness.Company, we like to stop billing for three minutes to recognize a member of our own business community and remind our readers that if you aren’t making dollars, you aren’t making cents.

Shoshana is one of our favorite attorneys.  She has deep experience with FTC disputes, and, unlike many attorneys, she is someone you will enjoy speaking with.  If you’re going to spend units on an attorney, and you know you will, send those units Shoshana’s way!

Back to work!  Those units will not move themselves.

Ernest Heminway – Unit Mover

Today is Ernest Hemingway’s birthday.  He may be most familiar for his self-help book about the import of moving a significant unit despite several obstacles and the sea, but he also sold several units of books.  For our money, his dispatches from the Spanish Civil War are garbage because, while they are far and away his best writing, they haven’t sold nearly as well as his other written units.

Phriday Phenom – B. Wolfert

Every Friday here at ProfessionalBusiness.Company, we like to stop billing for three minutes to recognize a member of our own business community and remind our readers that if you aren’t making dollars, you aren’t making cents.

Today, our editorial board unanimously chose Benjamin Wolfert.  Aside from his storied career as an attorney who strikes fear into the hearts of opposing counsel, Mr. Wolfert manages his firm’s ice hockey club.  Remember readers, a healthy workforce is a productive workforce!  We’d love to honor Mr. Wolfert with some of the many stories our staff has gathered from his peers, but our break is over.  Back to billing!  That means you reader!!